"Yeah, that'd be awkward. Especially after that lovely eulogy."

Today I wrote my eulogy. :(

Not because I wanted to, mind you, but because I was asked to as an assignment by my official employer.  I took the wider path and wrote a short, general statement somewhat in jest. The whole time I was creating, I kept thinking "What a strange thing to be thinking about!!!"  I mean, why would I want to write what people will say about me at my funeral? (Of course, it will be New Orleans style.) I mean, is anyone ever honest in a eulogy? Hecks no! Everyone stretches the good parts of people out into lengthy, maudalin phrases, turning a man who paid his taxes into a noble patriot who's money saved homeless people from missing a few suppers, therefore, a hero. Who's going to talk about someone's bad habit of not putting the toilet seat down?

This doesn't seem to be a horrible thing in my book, however.  I tend to think it would be extremely awkward to be at a funeral where the horrible sins of a man were ousted, or even the good things read as if from a dictionary. ("Well! He ain't gettin' any deader! Back to work!")

But this left me feeling rather self-glorifying in my assignment.  I also knew that this was probably going to be an exercise in setting standards for one's life, the whole "live your life to the full" and "you only get one life" bit. So working from that I had better set my accredations high for this! No mediocrity here! "Renee saved thousands of babies from burning buildings and was assumed into Heaven, only after painting a masterpiece which contained so great a beauty that it united all the nations under one banner of politics and economy, and she significantly reduced the amount of bicycle accidents." 

Mmmmmm, no. Blasphemy, anyone? Or a Dos Equis commercial. Either way, certainly I needed to find some sort of realistic view of what I wanted my life to be, without resorting to the heart clinching "she loved Jesus with her whole heart," kind of generalities, a Messiah complex.

I ended up combining a little bit of everything I didn't want to do: sarcastic humor, touching sentimentality, and incredibly interesting cause of death. The experience, all in all, was a little bit like creating a short story.  But this one was wierd, because it needed to be grounded in a very intimate reality: me! Even though I didn't really enjoy the project, nor did I complete it with all the gusto and effort I could have, I still kinda appreciate the experience. When else will I be writing something that is not only something I'm making up as I go along, but also something that I should want to have happen to me.  Flaming motorcyle death and everything.  I had to think of what my life wants to be in the highest standards, including all the aspects that I think should be included in my own personal life.  It's not like I could settle for a boring life, or one that didn't show a scrap of what I value and love.
Hmm. 

I guess my eulogy was more significant for learning to write than anything else. Let's hear it for left field assignments!